Still Searching

In knowing him
My heart is satisfied
My soul is justified
There is nothing more I need
And still I’m searching for something
If I really knew him
I would know peace
Would know content
But all I see of him
is a blurry silhouette

Every glimpse I’ve had of him
stirs my heart
But glimpses aren’t enough
to sustain deep, abiding love
I need to stare, to watch,
to study long and hard
this one whose beauty
captivates and mesmerizes
if only looked at truly

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NPWM Day 30: Coffee with Sadness

I finally sat down to coffee with Sadness.

Too long had I ignored him,

Screened his calls,

Looked past him on the street,

Filled up my calendar

With anything and everything.

I am a master of avoidance.

But Sadness is relentless;

He will not be put off.

So I met him in a bustling coffeeshop,

Surrounded by the murmur of conversations

And the whirring of espresso machines.

And for the first time in a long time,

I looked him in the eye,

And I didn’t look away.

I didn’t run

Or change the subject

Or pretend he was anyone other than who he was.

I made myself sit with Sadness,

Listen to the soft cadence of his voice,

And hold his gaze with unwavering eyes.

He is no easy companion,

But there is value

In facing him,

Resting in his presence,

Knowing him.

And when I finally looked at him,

When I let myself really see,

He started to look a bit like Peace.

Well

In these lean hours of respite

these quiet moments between

When I allow myself to wait

 

wait

 

wait

 

and listen to the rhythmic rush of blood

in my eardrums

counterposed to the ticking of the clock

on my wall

(my own heartbeat

striving relentlessly

against the current of time)

In these moments

I slow down my racing thoughts

my frantic fears

my desperate wishes

And it is enough

enough

to rest in this transient calm

to know that all is well

and will be well

Tomorrow will come

with its dizzying demands

and I will face it

and surely fail

to meet all its myriad requirements

But the steadying truth

is right here in this silent stillness:

It is well.